Remembering Shepard
by Cally Starkiller
Summary: Joker and Kaiden remember Shepard in their own way. Shepard's funeral was the day her crew seperated. Because without Shepard they are nothing.


He was sitting at a bar, just like his best friend. Both reminiscing. Both thinking about Shepard.

'If only I'd left the ship sooner instead of making Shepard drag herself up to get me…she'd still be alive,' Joker thought grimly.

'I loved her…I still do. But I guess she'll never know that now. What if I never left her? If I only I never left her side and got Joker myself…', Kaiden thought bitterly.

"Kaiden you crazy biotic…it's my fault she's not here. If I left the Normandy when I was suppose to she'd still be here. And we wouldn't be here drinking like old fools." Joker risked a glance at his best friend and saw no reaction. 'Did he even hear me?'

He swore he saw a glint of blue beside him. He looked at Kaiden once more and saw Kaiden's biotics flaring dangerously. One second later Kaiden's hands were at his throat. "You…it's all your fault!"

Joker knew that Kaiden wasn't the one to lose his calm easily. This obviously affected him worse than he thought. "Kaiden..." He couldn't find the words.

"She's dead because of you! Just because you couldn't leave your 'baby'! You and your stupid Normandy! Shepard meant more to me than that damn ship. Same with you. Don't you care? Didn't you care about her?"

His grip loosened and his biotics faded. His emotional turmoil was over. For now. Joker did understand. If Shepard was his girl…he would've broken Kaiden's neck in a split second without even thinking about it. But this was Kaiden he was talking about. If their positions were switched, Kaiden would've left the Normandy instead of trying to save the ship.

"I…sorry Joker. You know I didn't mean that right?"

"I know."

A pause.

"Her funeral is tomorrow. We shouldn't be in this bar. Come on Joker."

"Yeah…I'm right behind you."

"Shepard was one of the best. Despite her troubled childhood, she was always determined to find the good in others. She'd always find the best solution in every situation. Whether it was in the middle of a battlefield or a personal problem, she picked the right decisions. Some might even say she was a perfect paragon." Anderson paused for a few moments. He flicked a tear away before anyone could see.

"Everybody knows the facts about her. She was Earthborn. She ran with gangs and joined the Alliance when she turned eighteen. Shepard was in the N7 program and graduated top of her class. Afterwards Akuze happened. You all know Akuze. It turned out to be a bloody nightmare. And Shepard was the only survivor. I'm surprised she never broke. Most people would have."

Anderson continued. "But Shepard is different. She was stronger than that. She defeated Saren and his geth and the Reaper named Sovereign. She saved this entire galaxy and asked for only thing. For us to help her defeat the Reaper threat. That's all. It's what she would've wanted from us. May we never forget Shepard. Commander Shepard. First human spectre. Hero of the Citadel."

Murmurs of agreement and sorrow echoed each other. Moments later Kaiden stepped up. Everybody grew quiet. Joker felt uncomfortable again.

"Shepard. One of the best commanders I've ever had. I learned a lot from her. One lesson I learned from her was when we were looking for a quarian named Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. In fact I believe she is with us right now. Anyways we were heading into Chora's Den looking for Fist, an agent for the Shadow Broker. Huge firefight occurred. Not our choice. Well when the fight was over we headed into Fisk's office. Two warehouse guards pointed their guns at us. Obviously they weren't the real guards, but I couldn't see a way out without shooting them. Then Shepard said something. I can hardly remember the words but it convinced them. They left. Garrus Vakarian, an ex-cop said, 'I never would've thought of that.' But what Shepard said next will forever stay in my mind. 'Shooting isn't always the answer.' And it's true."

Joker could see Kaiden's eyes well up with tears and his heart stopped. _It's all my fault Kaiden. If only…_

"Shepard was human. She had feelings. I think that many of us don't see of her as one to laugh or love, but she did. She'd laugh at the silliest of things during downtime and stayed serious when being our Commander. Shepard, like everyone, had things she loved. She loved old-fashioned things. Shepard listened to 21st Century music such as 'Lady Gaga', 'Evanescence', 'The Fray', 'Bon Jovi', and others. She never stayed to one certain genre of music. That was another small thing I knew about my commander. She also loved reading books. Books that she could feel…books with pages. She never liked holopads. Another interesting fact. I want people to remember her not only by her titles but also by the real person she was. This person we are remembering and mourning today is known as Commander Jane Rory Shepard. First human spectre. Hero of the Citadel. A real person to us all."

Kaiden stepped down from the podium but his biotics were flaring up and tears were starting to pour down his face. He couldn't handle it. Anderson rushed over to help the poor man up. Joker was about to make a move to help him but he'd only hinder them. Joker was silently cursing himself.

Kaiden was a broken man without Shepard. Anderson was coping with the loss of his closest friend. Liara was determined to find Shepard's body. Garrus was no longer that naïve C-Sec cop. Wrex was keeping his promise to Shepard by uniting the krogan clans. Tali'Zorah was completing her pilgrimage with the help she gotten from Shepard. Everyone was going to move on after this funeral. They weren't Shepard's crew anymore. Without Shepard they were nothing.

Joker wasn't going to make a move to deliver a speech like Captain Anderson or Kaiden Alenko. No, he was just going to sit here throughout the entire funeral. Remembering Shepard in his own way.


End file.
